We are smack in the middle of a double dose of the “terrible twos” at my house, which for my twin boys started well before they were 2 and now include terrifying breath-holding spells. Noah and Nikoh’s temperaments often get … Continue reading
I never imagined I could ever “miss” sleeping, but then I became a mother to twins 25 months ago, and I have not slept a solid 2 hours since.
Yes I could have just said 2 years, but 25 months sounds more excruciating, and these days –if I’m being honest–I’m all about dramatics! (Judge me if you must. But being a little ‘drama’ makes me feel better when I have those ‘Woe is me!’ moments…I’m sure the ‘perfect mommies’ out there can’t relate at all 😉
I swear sometimes I’m so tired, I literally crawl into my twins’ Little Tikes playhouse with them, just so I can close my eyes for 5.2 seconds, and I promise as silly as it sounds, it helps! Where do you escape to? Bathroom at work? Cat nap in your car? Floor in the playroom? Drive-thru line? We all have those places where we steal a few seconds/minutes to ourselves and man does it feel good! Little things people, I am all about the little things to survive each day. When I’m really, really tired and missing my sleep, I literally lay in my bed thinking, ‘How the heck am I going to make it through today?’ Meanwhile my little monsters are jumping, crawling, singing, playing all over my semi-lifeless body. So when I finally muster the energy to change their diapers, brush their teeth and wrangle them downstairs, I head straight to the kitchen. I make myself a cup of coffee in a super cute cup, hoping my gel manicure still looks fresh and post a pic (like the one below) to my social media pages to make it “look” like I got this motherhood thing down to a science. But if I’m being truthful, life as a mom is/was/will never be as easy, flowery, or glamorous as we can filter it to be. But hey all of the positive reinforcement and comments I get after posting my cute coffee cup picture really helps get my butt in gear for the day! So I do what I gotta do. Whatever it takes. I’m all about motivation.
(My fave coffee cup from TJ MAXX & OPI gel nail color ‘You Don’t Know Jacques,’ enhanced with my fave IG filter ‘crema’ – January 2016. “Looks” pretty, right?! There’s a reason I cropped out my face haha!!)
Okay so I know I am not the only mom who often daydreams about how incredible it would be to go away for the weekend, all alone, and sleep in a lush hotel bed with blacked out windows! Heck I’d even take a full Saturday or Sunday at home in bed all by my lonesome. Then I remember I’m a mom and that will never ever happen again for the rest of my life! But a girl can dream, right? But you know what I have come to realize, if it doesn’t ever happen, if I never get that chance to fully recharge myself, sxssxsxxxxxxZzZ (Sorry for that typo, one of my twins just got a hold of the keyboard lol!) then that’s okay. I have come to believe mothers are like unicorns. We have mystical, magical powers that give us the energy to keep going and tending to our children, households, careers, errands when there is absolutely nothing left of ourselves to give to anyone or anything. Yet somehow, we get it done. We may have a mini-nervous breakdown somewhere in the car, shower, pantry, closet….but we make it happen.
My twin boys Noah & Nikoh just turned 2 in March, and I’ve been working hard on weaning them off their overnight feedings. Hence my extreme lack of sleep from letting them cry it out. On average I still wake up anywhere from 2-4 times every night. Trust me tired mamas when I say, each time I wake up with my babies I think about you. Yes, YOU! Exhausted, sleep deprived, depressed, sad, overwhelmed moms….and I say to myself, “I know I’m not the only mom awake right this second, caring for her babies or kids, so if she can do it as tired as she is, so can I.” I think about my fellow mamas a lot (the expecting moms who soon will realize how evil sleep deprivation is, the newborn mommy whose baby is waking every 2-3 hours for feedings, the twin preemie mama whose babies need to be fed every 1.5 hours, the toddler mom whose baby sleeps through the night but she still wakes up overnight to check on baby, the veteran mom who has grade school kids that still wake her up at night when they don’t feel good or forgot about a last minute project… I pray for you/them every single night! I pray for our patience and strength to continue to thrive solely on the love we get from our children who need us moms for absolutely everything, no matter how young or old they may be. I pray because I know how easy it is to wallow in missing that precious sleep that we lack since the moment we became a mom. Easier said than done, I know!
So if you’re like me and always find yourself wondering if you’ll ever sleep again, although it’s probable, it’s highly unlikely. But you’ll survive, because that’s what us mamas were born and bred to do.
And incase no one has told you today, you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all you can ask or expect from yourself. So be proud of what you accomplished today, and remember we can start all over again tomorrow. And when you’re at the end of your rope from lack of sleep and patience, know you have a fellow mom in ME – Nisha…Noah & Nikoh’s mama – who is thinking of and cheering you on.
(Late night footsie session with my twins, Noah & Nikoh. – April 6,2016)
Who needs sleep anyway when we can just stay up all night and cuddle! Totally overrated 😉
Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy
When I first had the idea to start blogging about my pregnancy and being a new mom, I planned to be writing all of the time. I am a journalist, so writing has always, and will always be natural and “easy” for me to do.
Boy oh boy 😉 …was I wrong.
There’s just ZERO time for me anymore! That goes for my love of writing, too.
If you know me personally, you’ve heard me say (probably more times than you liked), “I don’t have any time to myself, I barely have the time to eat!” I know some of you even secretly roll your eyes at me, but don’t worry I do not take it personally! I know I tend to sound like a broken record while talking about my experience as a twin mom.
But, it’s true. There’s no time for ME anymore. Zero time. Zero time, times 2! Because it’s ALL about my boys. The most time I have for myself, is to constantly remind myself to, ‘hang in there,mama!’
I am not exaggerating. I am not trying to get your sympathy. I am not trying to make my mommy job sound more important or demanding than yours. I’m really being genuine. The “idea” of motherhood is beautiful and exciting! Especially with all of the pretty baby bump pics us mommies get to share, the baby shower fun and all of the extra attention we get walking around with our beaming belly! But let’s fast forward to the reality of motherhood, once your baby -or in my case, babies – arrive….life can get crazy, real quick! I consider the day a success if I can shower before 6 p.m. Ha!
All of a sudden I now have two precious little boys attached to each side of my body, at all times of the day and night. It’s nearly impossible to remember life without them. And did I mention, there’s no time for ME anymore?!
(Noah (L), Mommy & Nikoh (R), December 2015)
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down at my dining room table to start blogging, do some online shopping, etc… when one of my twin boys sees me and attempts to climb over the couch to get my attention! So there I go..running to catch him! And then catch BOTH of them because when one does something, his twin brother follows right behind him! Needless to say that fabulous blog I had in mind stopped before I could even get started.
There’s been a pretty large gap since the last time I blogged in July. Mostly due to my babies, who are now actually toddlers, being sick for what seemed like all summer long. We’ve been inundated with doctor appointments, specialist appointments, sleepless nights (yes at 20 months old they are still not sleeping through the night!) and freak accidents that literally tore my heart into two pieces. (I will blog about all of that another day!) Not to mention an upcoming surgery for Nikoh later this month. But my goal is to try and write more this year, in hopes of getting my blog up to date with where Noah and Nikoh are today… healthy, thriving and living preemie strong!
But today I just wanted to write and reach out, to all the mommies out there who feel as frazzled as I do on the daily and tell you, hang in there, mama! You’ll make it through today. And you are doing great!
Motherhood, and parenthood in general, is overwhelming. That goes for whether you’re a twin mama like me, a new mom to one baby, a veteran mom with a car load of kiddos and every type of mom in between.
I constantly remind myself of that quote, “Motherhood is not a competition.” Definitely not! If anything we moreso compete with ourselves, right? I know every morning when I wake up, I try to be a better mom than I was yesterday. And to me, motherhood… it’s more like survival of the fittest! Everyday I just try and survive. Because it’s really never-ending…feedings, diaper changes, outfit changes,spill clean-ups, laundry, dinner, I can go on and on!
Most days I feel like I did a horrible job, but I never give up.
One day I stumbled upon this quote on one of my social media accounts, and I go back and repeat it to myself everyday. So here’s to hoping it can inspire you, as it inspires me, on the days we need it the most!
XO~Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy