I never imagined I could ever “miss” sleeping, but then I became a mother to twins 25 months ago, and I have not slept a solid 2 hours since.
Yes I could have just said 2 years, but 25 months sounds more excruciating, and these days –if I’m being honest–I’m all about dramatics! (Judge me if you must. But being a little ‘drama’ makes me feel better when I have those ‘Woe is me!’ moments…I’m sure the ‘perfect mommies’ out there can’t relate at all 😉
I swear sometimes I’m so tired, I literally crawl into my twins’ Little Tikes playhouse with them, just so I can close my eyes for 5.2 seconds, and I promise as silly as it sounds, it helps! Where do you escape to? Bathroom at work? Cat nap in your car? Floor in the playroom? Drive-thru line? We all have those places where we steal a few seconds/minutes to ourselves and man does it feel good! Little things people, I am all about the little things to survive each day. When I’m really, really tired and missing my sleep, I literally lay in my bed thinking, ‘How the heck am I going to make it through today?’ Meanwhile my little monsters are jumping, crawling, singing, playing all over my semi-lifeless body. So when I finally muster the energy to change their diapers, brush their teeth and wrangle them downstairs, I head straight to the kitchen. I make myself a cup of coffee in a super cute cup, hoping my gel manicure still looks fresh and post a pic (like the one below) to my social media pages to make it “look” like I got this motherhood thing down to a science. But if I’m being truthful, life as a mom is/was/will never be as easy, flowery, or glamorous as we can filter it to be. But hey all of the positive reinforcement and comments I get after posting my cute coffee cup picture really helps get my butt in gear for the day! So I do what I gotta do. Whatever it takes. I’m all about motivation.
(My fave coffee cup from TJ MAXX & OPI gel nail color ‘You Don’t Know Jacques,’ enhanced with my fave IG filter ‘crema’ – January 2016. “Looks” pretty, right?! There’s a reason I cropped out my face haha!!)
Okay so I know I am not the only mom who often daydreams about how incredible it would be to go away for the weekend, all alone, and sleep in a lush hotel bed with blacked out windows! Heck I’d even take a full Saturday or Sunday at home in bed all by my lonesome. Then I remember I’m a mom and that will never ever happen again for the rest of my life! But a girl can dream, right? But you know what I have come to realize, if it doesn’t ever happen, if I never get that chance to fully recharge myself, sxssxsxxxxxxZzZ (Sorry for that typo, one of my twins just got a hold of the keyboard lol!) then that’s okay. I have come to believe mothers are like unicorns. We have mystical, magical powers that give us the energy to keep going and tending to our children, households, careers, errands when there is absolutely nothing left of ourselves to give to anyone or anything. Yet somehow, we get it done. We may have a mini-nervous breakdown somewhere in the car, shower, pantry, closet….but we make it happen.
My twin boys Noah & Nikoh just turned 2 in March, and I’ve been working hard on weaning them off their overnight feedings. Hence my extreme lack of sleep from letting them cry it out. On average I still wake up anywhere from 2-4 times every night. Trust me tired mamas when I say, each time I wake up with my babies I think about you. Yes, YOU! Exhausted, sleep deprived, depressed, sad, overwhelmed moms….and I say to myself, “I know I’m not the only mom awake right this second, caring for her babies or kids, so if she can do it as tired as she is, so can I.” I think about my fellow mamas a lot (the expecting moms who soon will realize how evil sleep deprivation is, the newborn mommy whose baby is waking every 2-3 hours for feedings, the twin preemie mama whose babies need to be fed every 1.5 hours, the toddler mom whose baby sleeps through the night but she still wakes up overnight to check on baby, the veteran mom who has grade school kids that still wake her up at night when they don’t feel good or forgot about a last minute project… I pray for you/them every single night! I pray for our patience and strength to continue to thrive solely on the love we get from our children who need us moms for absolutely everything, no matter how young or old they may be. I pray because I know how easy it is to wallow in missing that precious sleep that we lack since the moment we became a mom. Easier said than done, I know!
So if you’re like me and always find yourself wondering if you’ll ever sleep again, although it’s probable, it’s highly unlikely. But you’ll survive, because that’s what us mamas were born and bred to do.
And incase no one has told you today, you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all you can ask or expect from yourself. So be proud of what you accomplished today, and remember we can start all over again tomorrow. And when you’re at the end of your rope from lack of sleep and patience, know you have a fellow mom in ME – Nisha…Noah & Nikoh’s mama – who is thinking of and cheering you on.
(Late night footsie session with my twins, Noah & Nikoh. – April 6,2016)
Who needs sleep anyway when we can just stay up all night and cuddle! Totally overrated 😉
Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy