8 New Year’s Resolutions for Preemie Moms

If you’re a mom to a preemie baby, or preemie twins like I am, chances are you’ve heard all of these tips — or proposed resolutions — before.

But bear with me.

Yes, you may have heard them time and time again, but for one reason or another, perhaps you just didn’t follow through.

That’s OK. It’s a new year and another opportunity to restructure how you live.



(Nikoh (L) with Mommy and Noah (R) in January 2017.

So here’s my resolution list. Take it as a friendly little reminder to let the little things go in 2017 and focus on being a tad more easy-going for your own well-being.

1. I will sleep when the baby (or babies) sleep.

When you have a preemie, chances are you are not sleeping much. Between nursing around the clock or feedings every hour or so, you can always use more rest. So when the baby sleeps, remember you should sleep, too. Close your eyes, silence your phone, log off social media and shut your eyes. Whether it’s for 30 minutes or 2 hours, that sleep and rest can help.

2. I won’t waste excessive time on social media.

Yes, I know this can be so hard to do. Especially because we all love to scroll up and down on our favorite social media apps to see what everyone is up to, but it can get excessive at times! I know, because I’m guilty of it! A few minutes here and there to see what’s going on is OK, but realize it can be more beneficial to put your phone down after 15 minutes or so and “unplug” your mind a little. Chances are whatever you missed online will likely pop back up in your feed tomorrow.

3. I will let the laundry pile up.

If you’re anything like me, the problem isn’t loading the washer or dryer. It’s folding and putting all the clothes away! I have twin toddlers (boys), and they breeze through clothes like no one’s business! My sunken in bathtub has now officially become the “family closet” where I just sift through clean clothes to find something for each of us to wear, and that’s OK! Yes, I could spend hours folding and putting clothes away, but why stress when I can use that time to play with my babies?

4. I won’t feel bad for staying home.

Nurturing a preemie baby can take a lot of time and patience. And it always seems like when you do take baby out of the house, he/she/they almost instantaneously get sick. I swear my preemie twins were sick every other week this summer. So instead of going out of your way to attend every birthday party or family/friend functions, know it’s OK when you feel like you should just stay home instead.

5. I will schedule some “me time.”

Whether that be a trip to Target (my favorite place to go!), a drive-thru at Starbucks, a trip to the bookstore, a mani/pedi, or whatever it is you like to do — do it! Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself an hour or two to decompress and unwind. You deserve it, Mama!

6. I will be proud of my mama lifestyle.

When my twins were fresh out of the NICU, I barely had time to eat, let alone get dressed and do my hair. I rocked the mommy bun for well over two years and learned to embrace a fresh, makeup free face in public. I often felt bad for spending all day in my PJs, and then after finally taking a shower around 7 p.m., I’d put on a clean set of PJs. I lived in PJs, and you know what, they are so comfy, easy and great!

7. I will eat something, no matter how small, every morning before 10 a.m.

A banana, protein shake, slice of toast, bowl of cereal, handful of almonds, whatever it is that is accessible, shove it in your mouth! Even if it doesn’t sound good, you just need a little fuel. It took me forever to do this myself, but once I started putting something in my stomach before 1 p.m., I noticed I had more patience with my preemie parenthood responsibilities and felt better, too.

8. I will give myself the benefit of the doubt.

Every night when I tuck my babies into their bed, I often feel tears well up in my eyes, because I remember a moment in the day I am not proud of. A moment where I lost my patience with them, a time when I knew I could’ve been a better mom. It’s normal. We all lose our patience; we are all doing our best and we all have the unconditional love of our precious preemies. You, Mama, are your baby’s lifeline, and even when you’re not at your best, you will always be good enough. So take a breath, forgive yourself for not being perfect, and remember tomorrow’s another chance to do better.

Breath-Holding Spells ‘Common,’ But Terrifying

We are smack in the middle of a double dose of the “terrible twos” at my house, which for my twin boys started well before they were 2 and now include terrifying breath-holding spells. Noah and Nikoh’s temperaments often get … Continue reading

Heartbreaking Accidents Will Happen…

This gallery contains 11 photos.

  From the moment my twin boys were mobile (crawling, cruising around the furniture, walking and running), I became fixated on baby proofing our house to keep them safe. My biggest fear, like all parents, was to ever see my … Continue reading

Moms Don’t Need Sleep, No Really..We Don’t ;)

I never imagined I could ever “miss” sleeping, but then I became a mother to twins 25 months ago, and I have not slept a solid 2 hours since.

Yes I could have just said 2 years, but 25 months sounds more excruciating, and these days –if I’m being honest–I’m all about dramatics! (Judge me if you  must. But being a little ‘drama’ makes me feel better when I have those ‘Woe is me!’ moments…I’m sure the ‘perfect mommies’ out there can’t relate at all 😉

I swear sometimes I’m so tired, I literally crawl into my twins’ Little Tikes playhouse with them, just so I can close my eyes for 5.2 seconds, and I promise as silly as it sounds, it helps! Where do you escape to? Bathroom at work? Cat nap in your car? Floor in the playroom? Drive-thru line? We all have those places where we steal a few seconds/minutes to ourselves and man does it feel good! Little things people, I am all about the little things to survive each day. When I’m really, really tired and missing my sleep, I literally lay in my bed thinking, ‘How the heck am I going to make it through today?’ Meanwhile my little monsters are jumping, crawling, singing, playing all over my semi-lifeless body. So when I finally muster the energy to change their diapers, brush their teeth and wrangle them downstairs, I head straight to the kitchen. I make myself a cup of coffee in a super cute cup, hoping my gel manicure still looks fresh and post a pic (like the one below) to my social media pages to make it “look” like I got this motherhood thing down to a science.  But if I’m being truthful, life as a mom is/was/will never be as easy, flowery, or glamorous as we can filter it to be. But hey all of the positive reinforcement and comments I get after posting my cute coffee cup picture really helps get my butt in gear for the day! So I do what I gotta do. Whatever it takes.  I’m all about motivation.


(My fave coffee cup from TJ MAXX & OPI gel nail color ‘You Don’t Know Jacques,’ enhanced with my fave IG filter ‘crema’ – January 2016. “Looks” pretty, right?! There’s a reason I cropped out my face haha!!)

Okay so I know I am not the only mom who often daydreams about how incredible it would be to go away for the weekend, all alone, and sleep in a lush hotel bed with blacked out windows! Heck I’d even take a full Saturday or Sunday at home in bed all by my lonesome. Then I remember I’m a mom and that will never ever happen again for the rest of my life! But a girl can dream, right? But you know what I have come to realize, if it doesn’t ever happen, if I never get that chance to fully recharge myself, sxssxsxxxxxxZzZ  (Sorry for that typo, one of my twins just got a hold of the keyboard lol!) then that’s okay. I have come to believe mothers are like unicorns. We have mystical, magical powers that give us the energy to keep going and tending to our children, households, careers, errands when there is absolutely nothing left of ourselves to give to anyone or anything. Yet somehow, we get it done. We may have a mini-nervous breakdown somewhere in the car, shower, pantry, closet….but we make it happen.

My twin boys Noah & Nikoh just turned 2 in March, and I’ve been working hard on weaning them off their overnight feedings. Hence my extreme lack of sleep from letting them cry it out. On average I still wake up anywhere from 2-4 times every night. Trust me tired mamas when I say, each time I wake up with my babies I think about you. Yes, YOU! Exhausted, sleep deprived, depressed, sad, overwhelmed moms….and I say to myself, “I know I’m not the only mom awake right this second, caring for her babies or kids, so if she can do it as tired as she is, so can I.” I think about my fellow mamas a lot (the expecting moms who soon will realize how evil sleep deprivation is, the newborn mommy whose baby is waking every 2-3 hours for feedings, the twin preemie mama whose babies need to be fed every 1.5 hours,  the toddler mom whose baby sleeps through the night but she still wakes up overnight to check on baby, the veteran mom who has grade school kids that still wake her up at night when they don’t feel good or forgot about a last minute project…  I pray for you/them every single night! I pray for our patience and strength to continue to thrive solely on the love we get from our children who need us moms for absolutely everything, no matter how young or old they may be. I pray because I know how easy it is to wallow in missing that precious sleep that we lack since the moment we became a mom. Easier said than done, I know!

So if you’re like me and always find yourself wondering if you’ll ever sleep again, although it’s probable, it’s highly unlikely. But you’ll survive, because that’s what us mamas were born and bred to do.

And incase no one has told you today, you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all you can ask or expect from yourself. So be proud of what you accomplished today, and remember we can start all over again tomorrow. And when you’re at the end of your rope from lack of sleep and patience, know you have a fellow mom in ME – Nisha…Noah & Nikoh’s mama – who is thinking of and cheering you on.


(Late night footsie session with my twins, Noah & Nikoh. – April 6,2016)

Who needs sleep anyway when we can just stay up all night and cuddle! Totally overrated 😉

Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy

Hang in There, Mama!

When I first had the idea to start blogging about my pregnancy and being a new mom, I planned to be writing all of the time. I am a journalist, so writing has always, and will always be natural and “easy” for me to do.

Boy oh boy 😉 …was I wrong.

There’s just ZERO time for me anymore! That goes for my love of writing, too.

If you know me personally, you’ve heard me say (probably more times than you liked), “I don’t have any time to myself, I barely have the time to eat!” I know some of you even secretly roll your eyes at me, but don’t worry I do not take it personally! I know I tend to sound like a broken record while talking about my experience as a twin mom.

But, it’s true. There’s no time for ME anymore. Zero time. Zero time, times 2! Because it’s ALL about my boys. The most time I have for myself, is to constantly remind myself to, ‘hang in there,mama!’

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I am not exaggerating. I am not trying to get your sympathy. I am not trying to make my mommy job sound more important or demanding than yours. I’m really being genuine.  The “idea” of motherhood is beautiful and exciting! Especially with all of the pretty baby bump pics us mommies get to share, the baby shower fun and all of the extra attention we get walking around with our beaming belly!  But let’s fast forward to the reality of motherhood, once your baby -or in my case, babies – arrive….life can get crazy, real quick! I consider the day a success if I can shower before 6 p.m. Ha!

All of a sudden I now have two precious little boys attached to each side of my body, at all times of the day and night. It’s nearly impossible to remember life without them. And did I mention, there’s no time for ME anymore?!

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(Noah (L), Mommy & Nikoh (R), December 2015)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down at my dining room table to start blogging, do some online shopping, etc… when one of my twin boys sees me and attempts to climb over the couch to get my attention! So there I go..running to catch him! And then catch BOTH of them because when one does something, his twin brother follows right behind him! Needless to say that fabulous blog I had in mind stopped before I could even get started.

There’s been a pretty large gap since the last time I blogged in July. Mostly due to my babies, who are now actually toddlers, being sick for what seemed like all summer long. We’ve been inundated with doctor appointments, specialist appointments, sleepless nights (yes at 20 months old they are still not sleeping through the night!) and freak accidents that literally tore my heart into two pieces. (I will blog about all of that another day!) Not to mention an upcoming surgery for Nikoh later this month. But my goal is to try and write more this year, in hopes of getting my blog up to date with where Noah and Nikoh are today… healthy, thriving and living preemie strong!

But today I just wanted to write and reach out, to all the mommies out there who feel as frazzled as I do on the daily and tell you, hang in there, mama! You’ll  make it through today. And you are doing great!

Motherhood, and parenthood in general, is overwhelming. That goes for whether you’re a twin mama like me, a new mom to one baby, a veteran mom with a car load of kiddos and every type of mom in between.

I constantly remind myself of that quote, “Motherhood is not a competition.” Definitely not! If anything we moreso compete with ourselves, right? I know every morning when I wake up, I try to be a better mom than I was yesterday. And to me, motherhood… it’s more like survival of the fittest! Everyday I just try and survive. Because it’s really never-ending…feedings, diaper changes, outfit changes,spill clean-ups, laundry, dinner, I can go on and on!

Most days I feel like I did a horrible job, but I never give up.

One day I stumbled upon this quote on one of my social media accounts, and I go back and repeat it to myself everyday. So here’s to hoping it can inspire you, as it inspires me, on the days we need it the most!

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XO~Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy





Two of them, 1 of Me

My twins have been sprouting like weeds the last few months! It’s still hard to fathom my tiny 3 pound preemies are now almost 15 months-old, weighing 28 (Noah) and 25 (Nikoh) pounds.

Nothing short of miraculous to watch them play together…Today as I remember them sleeping in their NICU incubators, it almost feels like another lifetime.

I originally intended to populate this blog much more frequently, but being a mother to my twins has proven to be incredibly demanding ever since they started crawling, and now walking and climbing on absolutely everything! (And NO baby proofing doesn’t really help when you have one toddler going left and the other toddler going right.) I always find myself thinking and talking about how difficult twin motherhood is, not because I want people to say, “Oh poor you,”….but more because I am still amazed at how mothers do it, and how they did it decades before me with much less resources.

Twin motherhood is quite the beautiful challenge and you can never fully comprehend it unless you have carried two babies in your womb simultaneously and taken care of them everyday. There are moments where it feels overwhelming and almost impossible, but there are also plenty of times where it brings more love and happiness I ever could have imagined. Tears normally accompany both ends of those two spectrums.


Every aspect of twin motherhood has indeed had its immense challenges, and certainly its highs and lows, but the part that literally tugs at my core is the obvious fact that there is ALWAYS two of them and one of me. I have two babies, only 1 minute different in age, who often need and want me at the exact same time. It tears my heart apart to have to pick between the two of them when deciding who to tend to first. Believe it or not, it happens several times a day.

Many parents tell me what a blessing it is that my twins are each other’s playmates. Yes, it’s so wonderful that they love to make each other laugh and they do entertain each other all day. But what happens when they are playing, chuckling, having a great time and all of a sudden they bump their heads together? This happened last week. There I was with my two babies, crying “mommmm! mommmmm!” I ran over to them, dropped to my knees and scooped them both into my arms so they both felt comforted. But I couldn’t pick them up simultaneously, and there was no way to give them the individual TLC I know they needed. It broke my heart to see the tears rolling down their little cheeks, boogies coming from their little noses, and I had to divvy up my hands to wipe the tears and clean the noses with one hand each.

And then there are the times when they are sick, when only my arms can comfort them. The last two weeks Nikoh was very sick with bronchitis. His throat was so swollen and red he didn’t eat or drink much. He was sluggish and not nearly his playful self. He wanted to lay on my chest, and in my arms for the better part of one week. But then there was Noah, who didn’t catch bronchitis, but did have a high fever for a few days and some congestion and would you believe he just wanted to be in mommy’s arms too?

Aside from being in the NICU with both Noah and Nikoh, these last few weeks have been the most emotionally and physically draining for me. I literally had to rotate babies in and out of my arms for several days straight so I can give them an equal amount of love, comfort and attention. It was so hard to do. I would be holding Nikoh trying to soothe him, and never really got to give him all of my attention because I was looking over at Noah who would often be sitting on the floor, leaning on my legs and looking up at me with his red and swollen little eyes. After 30 minutes of holding Nikoh, I would switch and it would be Noah’s “turn.” Imagine doing that over and over. It was like neither one of them were fully comforted because once they started to feel secure and cozy with me, I had to put them down and pick up their twin brother.

But it’s not always seeing them cry that makes me sad, sometimes it’s seeing them happy and wanting me so much.

At least once a day we watch one of their favorite cartoons, The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I know all of you parents can relate to how magical this show really is! The second they hear the theme song, Noah and Nikoh will stop whatever it is they are doing and instantly turn to look at me and once we’ve made eye contact they start dancing, bouncing their little legs up and down. They both run up to me as I am dancing along with them and start reaching for me to pick them up. How do I decide who gets picked up and dances with mommy, and who stays dancing by himself? As a twin mom I have learned when I can’t get to them at the same time, they have to take turns. So today for example I picked up Noah and danced with him in my arms, while I dropped my other arm and grabbed Nikoh’s hand so he too can feel like he’s dancing with mommy. This might not sound like a huge dilemma to some, but trust me when you are a mom to twins it is heartbreaking not being able to give them the attention they want, need and deserve right when they ask for it.

I imagine parents who have more than one child also have to deal with these scenarios from time to time, but I can’t be certain it’s as intense as having two children the exact same age needing you at the exact same time and likely for the exact same reason. This is just one of the things about twin motherhood I never even thought about during my pregnancy, because I really had no idea what to expect. And despite my research, there was no book out there teaching me how to be “OK” with dividing my heart and attention between my two, precious boys, every second of everyday.

All I can hope and pray for is that the times I do give them both individual and “twin” love and attention, they feel comforted by me and loved enough to feel like they were born to the best mama in the world.

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Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy

10 Days of Twin Separation..


The majority of premature twins develop at different times, making the transition from the NICU stay to their home an emotionally jarring experience for mommy and daddy.

As I sit here and write about our experience last year with our twins, Noah and Nikoh, it’s still surreal to relive all of the emotions attached to having our newborn twins separated for 10 days.

Nikoh was discharged from the NICU on April 28, 2014, 34 days after he was born. His twin brother, Noah, went home 10 days before him. The separation anxiety my husband and I felt from having one baby at home with us, and our other baby in the NICU was intense. It felt like our hearts were literally ripped into two pieces, as cliché as that may sound. (I’ve talked about this in previous blogs; how we experienced emotional highs and lows simultaneously because our twins developed at different stages.)

As new parents to preemie twins, we learned a lot while parenting in the NICU. Everyday was a new obstacle. Our babies’ discharge days were no different.

When it was Noah’s turn to “graduate” from the NICU and go home, the neonatologist and nurses told me I should stay home and give him just about all of my devotion, in order to make sure he continued to thrive (Read more about Noah’s discharge from the NICU in my previous post.) In my mind and heart I thought to myself, “Are you serious? How will I stay away from Nikoh?” Noah was barely 4 pounds. He was so tiny, so fragile and I was PETRIFIED every time I had to change his diaper, change his clothes, feed him, etc. I handled him with the utmost caution. Yes I had been doing all of this since he was born, but he had been a NICU preemie so there were nurses who helped me handle him in the hospital so I felt more at ease. At home we didn’t have the comfort of the NICU monitors telling us Noah was breathing OK, eating OK, sleeping OK, etc. So at home our stress levels were at an all-time high. But although I was occupied with Noah, my mind and heart were constantly thinking about Nikoh, who was still battling it out in the NICU…predominately by himself. We still didn’t have an exact date as to when he would go home, so being away from him made the waiting game SO much more intense than when Noah and Nikoh were side-by-side in the NICU.

Nikoh was “Baby B” – born second and although he weighed a few more ounces than Noah when they were born, he was always a little weaker and less developed than Noah. Since he was born I often refer to Nikoh as “the dark horse.” Because although he would sometimes fall behind in his progress, there were days where he would come out of nowhere and essentially “catch up.” Nikoh had to stay in the NICU those 10 extra days because he needed more time to reach his NICU milestones before he could come home. One of his biggest obstacles was learning to tolerate his 24 hour feedings. Essentially he had to feed for 24 hours, and his body had to accept the amount of ounces the nurses set for him every two hours. Sometimes he would lack the energy to complete his feedings, sometimes he would fall asleep, and sometimes the breast milk wouldn’t digest properly in his tiny stomach…so it took him awhile to be able to achieve the 24 hour completion of feedings. He also needed a blood transfusion for an infection he developed in the NICU which also set him back a couple of days. It was frustrating to see him take one step forward, and two steps back. He was a lone warrior during those 10 days, and he made me, his daddy and his twin brother Noah SUPER proud.

I would call to check on Nikoh several times a day, asked the nurses to tell him his mommy loved and missed him. I also got a detailed report about Nikoh’s progress from my husband who visited him every night after work for those 10 days. I was only able to visit him a handful of times. I left Noah either with my mom, or my sister, a handful of times while I visited Nikoh for a few hours, and on Easter we decided we had to spend their first holiday with both of them. So my parents spent Easter at our house with Noah, and gave my husband and I the chance to spend half of the day in the NICU with Nikoh. Being their first actual holiday, in true twin style, we dressed them exactly the same and made sure to take their Easter picture. In the NICU my husband and I spent Easter kangarooing with Nikoh, although I held him most of the time since I hadn’t seen him very much. We fed him, changed him, and did all of the things new parents typically get to in the comfort of their homes on their baby’s first holiday. When we got home, we spent the rest of the night taking care of, cuddling and loving Noah.

Although we were thankful to be able to spend time with both of our babies on Easter, it was heartbreaking to leave Nikoh in the hospital that night.

(Nikoh in the NICU on Easter 2014)

(Noah at home on Easter 2014)

Those 10 days felt like an eternity. But we made it and most importantly, Nikoh made it through like a little warrior.

His discharge day kind of “just happened,” all of a sudden, on a day we least expected it. Much like the day Noah was discharged. The thing that is so weird about having a baby, or in our case babies, in the NICU is that from the second they are born you want to take them home so bad. While they are in the NICU you spend every waking minute cheering them on, praying and hoping for their discharge day. But then it comes and all of a sudden you start second guessing, “Are they really OK to come home? Are they strong enough? Will they be OK? Should they stay a couple more days in the NICU? Will I be able to give them the care they need?”

In all honesty it’s the biggest emotional roller coaster I had ever been on..and there is nothing you can do, or anyone can say, to prepare you for all of the emotions, all of the highs and lows, that come with being a NICU parent. It’s terrifying and beautiful at all the same time.


But when the NICU journey is over, you come out of it a stronger person and hands down a stronger, more-prepared PARENT…

Nikoh’s last moments in the NICU felt less emotional to me than Noah’s final day there. I still cried, but all of my tears were out of happiness. I was ECSTATIC to walk out of the NICU knowing my babies NEVER had to spend one more night away from me and their daddy. But on Noah’s last day I cried so much out of sadness because we had to leave Nikoh there, and so when it was finally his turn to go home ALL of the tears were out of sheer joy!

Nikoh had been moved out of the NICU into an “overflow” NICU nursery a few days before he was discharged. Since he was close to graduation and the NICU was filling up fast with new preemies, his nurses felt he was strong enough to have less observation. So although he was still monitored by NICU nurses and doctors, when he was discharged he wasn’t in the actual NICU. And because of that, he didn’t have the type of emotional “send-off” that Noah had. The nurses didn’t come say bye to him (except for the two that had been monitoring him in the overflow nursery), and we didn’t have any family waiting in the lobby to meet him. But it was still the best day of our life, as was Noah’s discharge day. As the nurse wheeled him to the car, I walked alongside his crib and stared at him in amazement. He had gone through so much, and while we were by his side for most of it, a lot of his work in the NICU was done on his own. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I approached the hospital’s exit. We had literally lived there since March 26, 2014 and now it was time to go home and not look back.

(Nikoh was placed in his car seat and wheeled out to our car.)



When I found out I was pregnant, I NEVER even though about premature birth and I knew very little about it. It’s incredible how something you never think about can end up having such a tremendous impact on your life.

Although my babies are now home and thriving at 10 months old – 8 months adjusted age – they will ALWAYS be premature twins and likely always have to work a little bit harder at reaching developmental milestones. And just like in the NICU my husband and I will be there every moment of their life to help them achieve every dream and every feat, big and small.


XO~ Noah & Nikoh’s Mommy